I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a book for many years now, and while I keep writing, I never really seem to get anywhere. It feels like such an insurmountable task. I knew deep down that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, so why not start small with a blog post? Surely that should help me make some forward progress, right?
Wrong. I’ve been working on the same post for far too long and couldn’t seem to wrap it up. Revision after revision, and still I hadn’t posted it.
“What is wrong with me?” I asked, and no immediate answer came. Just more spinning my wheels.
That’s when it hit me: Why not practice what I preach? Why not write a blog post about the challenges of writing my post? Seems like a perfect opportunity to practice the PACT framework!
- Presence
- Awareness
- Curiosity
- Transformation
Q: Who, what, where, when, how
A: I am sitting down, moving between writing and distraction. I write some, get up for a bit, and sit back down. This is revision #4. The blinking cursor is flashing at me
Q: What sensations did you notice in your body?
A: I felt uncomfortable.
Q: What emotions arose during this experience?
A: Boredom, agitation, and anxiety.
Q: What thoughts went through your mind?
A: What will they think? It’s not good enough.
Telling my story:
Q: What am I telling myself about the situation?
A: I need to be perfect in order to be accepted or to make an impact.
Q: What am I getting out of it?
A: Avoidance. By seeking perfection, I don’t have to expose myself.
Describe it as a separate entity:
Q: What does this experience look like?
A: It looks like a little boy struggling to get his writing homework done.
Q: What does it sound like? Feel like? How old is it?
A: It sounds like an adult voice saying “you need to do better” and “you aren’t doing good enough.”
Ask it questions:
Q: What does it want?
A: It wants the best for the little boy. It wants to do anything but struggle with this.
Q: What does it need?
A: It needs to feel safe to express itself without fear of judgement
Q: What truth(s) did I learn?
A: I have a deep-seated fear of judgement. I try to control this fear through perfectionism. If I am perfect, then no one can judge me.
Q: How can I transform this into something empowering?
A: I can’t control whether I am judged. All I can do is have pride in the work that I have produced and let others come to their own conclusion. I can do my best and that will be good enough.
Q: What new feelings or insights arise?
A: Fear is natural. The only way to overcome fear is to face it. To lean into it. The only way to win is to play. Otherwise, I will never know.
Q: What is the first step I can take on this journey?
A: Proofread this for grammatical errors, post it, and never look back.
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